


Dean's Letter Home

by WhispersInTheWing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Assisted Suicide, Demon Dean Winchester, Gen, Goodbyes, Minor Violence, Not A Happy Ending, POV Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Suicide Notes, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 10:16:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4097212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhispersInTheWing/pseuds/WhispersInTheWing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean writes a goodbye letter to Sam telling him everything he never got to after becoming a demon. One-shot, not a happy letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean's Letter Home

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a way to cope with season 10 and the hiatus. It's not a happy fic ... you've been warned!

Dear Sammy,

There's a lot of things I want to tell you that I never got the chance to say before this all went to hell in a handbasket. If you're reading this letter, then that means something happened to me, something real bad that I couldn't come back from. I'm so sorry Sammy. I tried so hard to believe that there was a way to get rid of the Mark. I tried to believe because you did. You believed that I could still be saved, that there was a chance for me to come back from this. Maybe if I had believed just a little bit harder, we would've found the solution we needed.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner that I was getting sick. I didn't want to put that burden on your shoulders too. I don't know if the illness was a by-product of the Mark, or if my luck had just finally run out. I know I shouldn't have hidden how sick I was from you, but I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to think that it was your fault; you and I both know you would've done just that. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, getting sick. I thought I'd be bedridden. I thought every breath would hurt and that getting out of bed would tire me out. But the flip side to that was the end came on suddenly. I didn't have time to prepare for it. I'm just glad I got to tell you how important to the world you are, how important you are to me.

Things will be hard without me for the first few weeks, but you learn to live with the grief eventually. It's how I kept going after dad, Bobby, and Ellen and Jo died. It was how I kept myself going after that day in Cold Oak, even when I wanted to die. But I knew back then that you wouldn't have wanted me to give up; you wouldn't have wanted me to shut down.

Charlie told me once that things always happen for a reason, whether it was good or bad. That we aren't shaped by destiny, but by what we do with the things we're handed in life. And when dad handed you to me all those years ago, I vowed to be the best big brother I could be. I vowed to make mom proud by the man you would become. I don't know about you, but I think you became one of the best men I have ever known. I'm proud of you Sammy, and I know mom and dad are too.

Don't bother selling your soul to get me back. There's nothing to get back anyway. I know I asked you and Cas to put me down when I finally lost the last of my humanity, but I couldn't go through with that. Benny told me what I had been too blind and stupid to see before, that killing me would destroy you. That you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if I forced you. So I had someone else do it, someone who didn't really know me from a hole in the wall. It was a hunter I had met a few years back working a salt and burn in Jersey. He was a good guy and I knew he'd be able to do it. I was very specific on how I wanted him to take me out. A single shot to the head, execution style to kill my human soul and then burn my body using holy oil. I know that may be hard to read, but it was the only way to ensure that there was nothing left for the Mark to resurrect. And no, I'm not going to tell you his name so you can track him down and kick his ass. He has a family; a real family and kids that shouldn't know what it's like to lose a parent. Besides, he was only doing what I asked him to. 

There's something I want you to do for me Sammy. I want you to go and live the life I stole from you all those years ago. Go find yourself a nice wholesome girl, settle down and raise some beautiful children. And when those kids are old enough, will you tell them about me? Tell them stories of our adventures together and how I wish I could be there to see them grow up. Just leave out the part where I was a demon and tried to kill you. Also you might want to leave out all the times I spilt us up and was a total ass-bag.

I love you Sammy. I'm so proud of you, for everything you've accomplished in your life. You showed me that there's more to this life than blood, booze and death. You showed me that I could be more than a mindless killing machine. You turned out better than I could've ever dreamed of. You grew up to be an amazing person, Sammy. I guess I did do something good in this world ... you.

I'm going to miss you, Sammy. See you on the other side.

-Dean


End file.
